Colouring In

It’s my favourite time of year.  I’m not sure why nature slowly dying into hibernation feels so thrilling, but it really does.  In this season of death and wintery sleep I watch as things come together, things come apart.  Rings are given and taken off. Decisions are made that seem to make little sense but to the hearts of the deciders.  The wind blows, the sun shines and leaves dance to the ground.  Things they are a happening.

I had a thought recently, a wonder really, if I have simplified my life to the point of emptiness.  Woaw.  If messy felt too scary, so I just stopped.  Stopped being brave, speaking the things that felt uncomfortable to speak, stopped writing, stopped trying, stopped dreaming, planning, stopped it all.

Until I suddenly found myself in a white room, sitting at a white table, with a white light buzzing dreadfully above my head, and nothing else.  From the other side of the one way mirror this might look good.  Swedish, minimalist good.  Simple, pure, uncluttered.  But from the inside, those white walls and that buzzing light gets whiter and brighter and whiter and brighter, until existence seems like the permanent moment a bomb detonates.  A long silence before the carnage.  But the carnage never comes.

A ‘If You Don’t Try You Can’t Fail’ banner hangs silent and unmoving on the wall above where the door should be. There is no despair here, in the white room of nothingness.  Despair would mean struggle, attempt, action.  There is only unmoving nothingness.  A clean, cool, climate controlled space.  Stuffiness would be a relief.

Here’s the good news.  I know it now.  I suddenly looked up and saw the white.  All around.  I felt no chill on my skin, no bead of sweat under my fringe and I knew.  I was in the room.

It’s time to head back to colour.




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  1. Cousin Robyn says:

    Clever lady. Keep on trucking. Keep on writing.

  2. Cousin Robyn says:

    PS I love the new banner :)

Your thoughts/feelings?