Crouching Camilla, Hidden Blog Post

You know that scene in a movie that we have all seen a hundred times where the person sits at their laptop with a glowing, blank screen and the cursor tick-ticking back and forth and back and forth?  That is me right now.

Up until the moment I started writing the movie-cursor metaphor, that has been me.  It is so strange how doing something that you love can all at once feel like a completely impossible distant dream.  I used to blog?! All the time?! About my feelings and life?! Woaw, who was this bold and fearless person?  Where did they go without reason or explanation?

And then, once you disappear there is such a strong sense of letting down the side, Team Ameezing, the readers who are clicking and reading and commenting and even coming back again! It feels unfair to stop writing for long periods of time and then expect everyone to jump on board again when I am ready.  I don’t like that ask.  If you want people to follow your story, you need to give them chapters, not silence.

A blogging guru would say never to apologise, rather just to carry on where you left off, but I feel I needed to talk about the silence just a little bit.  I have to confess I am ‘back’ for completely selfish reasons.  I don’t think it is fair to ask you to keep following along, but I’ve realised that whether there is one reader or one million readers (come on one million!) this makes me really happy.  And I have to/want to/don’t feel like myself unless I keep doing it.

Knowing that it is unfair to ask you to follow along, I just want to say thank you for coming with me.  And I’m sort of quoting Emile Hirsch in Into The Wild here, happiness is better when shared.


Hi Autumn, hi.  You’re lovely and a little moody and brand new and have got me in a beanie making frenzy.  The thing I respect most about the weather is its Just-Get-The-Heck-On-With-It mentality.  Oh there’s a new iPhone out, a building fell over, Tori Spelling had yet another baby, the weather ain’t got time for that. It just carries on, season upon season, minding its own business and doing what it does best.

Autumn cleaning, like Spring cleaning but more ruthless.  A season of staying in is about to happen, best there not be clutter and nonsense to get in the way of all that cuddling and hot chocolate.

Little children wearing little children back packs.  Gets me every time.

Shameless selfies.  I loathe the word ‘selfie’ (also the words moist, phlegm, condiments, funky and titillate).  But I have decided to embrace the selfie.  If only as a way of eliminating the ol’ ‘but I don’t have a photo for a post so why post?’ mentality.  Case in point this weird, wild woman haired, fitting room selfie.  Selfie, selfie, selfie.

Do you know what’s cool?  Friends is what’s cool.  Girlfriends, boyfriend, brotherfriends, overseas friends, friends.  A few years ago I could not begin to imagine that my life would  include such incredible, positive, encouraging, honest people.  I am so grateful for them.  The best people, friends.

And now a recap.  Sorry I’ve been away, but I’m back because I love it here.  And I love that you’re here too.  Autumn! Spring clean the heck out of almost Winter.  Little children, back packs, you know the rest.  Embrace the selfie (eeuww).  And friends. Friends!

Smiley face, hugging emoticon, high five.

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  1. AntK says:

    and cousinfriends? … such true words about nature / autumn
    “No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.”
    ― John Donne

  2. Movan says:

    Welcome back msameezing! :-)
    We’ve gone nowhere and will always be waiting for you to begin again.
    The journey with you is so much fun, what’s a little waiting between friends! :-D

    AntK, I like that quote, so leisurely and from another era. Still true.

  3. Ms. Ameezing says:

    And cousinfriends, of course! Beautiful quote AntK, thank you.
    Movan, thanks for that. Awesome to know :)

Your thoughts/feelings?