We sit around.  We laugh.  Someone makes coffee or pours wine.  The air is cold.  Enough.  To wear anything, everything.  Those things that belong in between layers of other things.  But the sun shines.  Determined.

We live in a twilight disguised as day.  Perhaps it has become day.  Our daylight.  The roots are long since gone.  Our bags packed and unpacked until we hardly need them at all.

We have each other.  And time.  Gone by.  And ahead.  We whisper, we share and we withhold.  With love.

We know with a knowing of a decade.  Or so.

These times.  These times that seem so easy, so light, so filled with contentment, fulfilled.  They may go.  They may change.  The storm may come and wash away these sacred moments that seem like normal.  Now.

But now.  Right now.  I see.  I hold, I cherish, I inhale.  Every bit.  Moment.  One.


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Crouching Camilla, Hidden Blog Post

You know that scene in a movie that we have all seen a hundred times where the person sits at their laptop with a glowing, blank screen and the cursor tick-ticking back and forth and back and forth?  That is me right now.

Up until the moment I started writing the movie-cursor metaphor, that has been me.  It is so strange how doing something that you love can all at once feel like a completely impossible distant dream.  I used to blog?! All the time?! About my feelings and life?! Woaw, who was this bold and fearless person?  Where did they go without reason or explanation?

And then, once you disappear there is such a strong sense of letting down the side, Team Ameezing, the readers who are clicking and reading and commenting and even coming back again! It feels unfair to stop writing for long periods of time and then expect everyone to jump on board again when I am ready.  I don’t like that ask.  If you want people to follow your story, you need to give them chapters, not silence.

A blogging guru would say never to apologise, rather just to carry on where you left off, but I feel I needed to talk about the silence just a little bit.  I have to confess I am ‘back’ for completely selfish reasons.  I don’t think it is fair to ask you to keep following along, but I’ve realised that whether there is one reader or one million readers (come on one million!) this makes me really happy.  And I have to/want to/don’t feel like myself unless I keep doing it.

Knowing that it is unfair to ask you to follow along, I just want to say thank you for coming with me.  And I’m sort of quoting Emile Hirsch in Into The Wild here, happiness is better when shared.


Hi Autumn, hi.  You’re lovely and a little moody and brand new and have got me in a beanie making frenzy.  The thing I respect most about the weather is its Just-Get-The-Heck-On-With-It mentality.  Oh there’s a new iPhone out, a building fell over, Tori Spelling had yet another baby, the weather ain’t got time for that. It just carries on, season upon season, minding its own business and doing what it does best.

Autumn cleaning, like Spring cleaning but more ruthless.  A season of staying in is about to happen, best there not be clutter and nonsense to get in the way of all that cuddling and hot chocolate.

Little children wearing little children back packs.  Gets me every time.

Shameless selfies.  I loathe the word ‘selfie’ (also the words moist, phlegm, condiments, funky and titillate).  But I have decided to embrace the selfie.  If only as a way of eliminating the ol’ ‘but I don’t have a photo for a post so why post?’ mentality.  Case in point this weird, wild woman haired, fitting room selfie.  Selfie, selfie, selfie.

Do you know what’s cool?  Friends is what’s cool.  Girlfriends, boyfriend, brotherfriends, overseas friends, friends.  A few years ago I could not begin to imagine that my life would  include such incredible, positive, encouraging, honest people.  I am so grateful for them.  The best people, friends.

And now a recap.  Sorry I’ve been away, but I’m back because I love it here.  And I love that you’re here too.  Autumn! Spring clean the heck out of almost Winter.  Little children, back packs, you know the rest.  Embrace the selfie (eeuww).  And friends. Friends!

Smiley face, hugging emoticon, high five.

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It’s really hot in the cafe where I am sitting right now.  There are fans blazing away but somehow, the air is still still and thick like jungle air.

There is an old man here who comes in about this time everyday.  Sometimes he wears a hat.  But not today.  He helps himself to a beer from the fridge and sits and drinks it.  Alone.  He doesn’t distract himself with a phone or an iPad or even a book.  He just sits.  And watches.  Observing with an honesty that makes him fascinating rather than unnerving.

It stormed an hour ago.  The kind of moody storm that growls as if it will stubbornly stay for days.  But then unexpectedly clears, like fog in the wind.

There is newness, friends.  So much wonderful newness.  Joburg, my beloved, has turned warm and stormy and tree lined, with days that stretch on into balmy evenings.  And balmy evenings that stretch on into cool nights.  A night air that licks at your skin with freshness.

Ready or not, time marches on.  I turned 32.  And celebrated with ameezing friends and an ameezingly towering pink cake.  It seems that as you get older, birthdays becomes less about well, becoming a year older, and more about celebrating the people you are lucky enough to share life with.  I looked around that birthday dinner table in disbelief at how fortunate I am to be able to experience things, enormous and minute, with people who are loving and clever and creative and ameezing.

Some things have become very clear in the last while.  Mostly lessons learnt, through a little bit of stumbling and a little bit of hand to forehead slapping, but also through opening up and just being not so afraid all the darn time.  Leaping does sometimes end in knee scrapes, but mostly with a pounding heart, eyes wide open and a sense of wonder.

There is someone new too.  The story of how or who is a little too new for here, but I wanted to share that there was.  That I feel so  lucky and excited to be starting a journey of sorts with someone who is smart and funny and kind and terribly dapper.  And tall.  So very tall.

Newness stretches across many paths and comes with some unexpected and wonderful things.  And sometimes with flowers.  Lots of flowers.


[Instagram borrowed from the lovely Cara Birdie]

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Today just seems like a really good day to post this picture.  Jacqui, Lindsay, Lauren.

And Ryan, Jacqui’s beloved and the taker of this photograph.

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The Beginning of the End

Here’s to winding down, sorting out, packing, switching off the geyser, finding a plant sitter, padkos, toll roads, hello again hugs, dvds, swimming, new freckles, eating deelicious things, present opening, farmer’s market marketing, friends, family, holiday.

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Nine friends. The Bush. Part One.

From the top: Cousin Robyn, Ameezing Ty, Little Lauren, Ameezing Joel, Justin, Kieronie, Mr Ameezing, Me and Cousin ‘Merlin’s Beard’ Dillon.

Thanks to my eight fellow bundu bashers who graciously and (mostly) fearlessly crossed possible snake infested veld to have their picture taken.  Ameezing.

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Make A Wish Why Don’t You…

Happy, happy Birthday Ever Lovely Lindsay Jane! You are lovely and amazing and ameezing.

(Photo taken on weekend trip to Cape Town.  More to follow :) )

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Justin and Cosmos, Sitting in a tree.

Last week my friend, the Ameezing Justin, (boyfriend of the Ameezing Lauren), showed me this incredible photograph he had taken.  I’m fascinated by the little ‘veins’ in the flowers and the sky’s Toy Story-esque quality.  And the colours, oh the colours.  I was so touched and humbled when he said, ‘This picture was inspired by you’.  Wow, thank you Ameezing Justin.

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Transatlantic Double Dating

Last night Aadil and I had a Skype double date with the ameezing Jacqui and Ryan who moved to London almost six weeks ago.  (It’s been six weeks already!)  They gave us a tour of their new flat and we drank wine and whisky (Ryan drank Fosters) and we talked and talked and talked.  Right up to the moment they went off into the cold London evening to Quiz Night at their local pub where they were determined to improve their position of last from the previous week.  It was so nice seeing them again.  Ryan had to remind me a few times to use my library voice, I’ve never really skyped before and so was projecting like I was in a theatre production of Hamlet.  Spending time with them made me miss them even more, but holy panda’s toenails Skype is ameezing.

They came third last.  High Five ameezing friends!

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This is a stick up.

My friend Ryan has been photographing his friends for years now.  So much so that we don’t even really notice any more.  Since my Blackberry and therefore camera is no longer with me I thought I would hijack three of my favourite images from his new set of photos.  I love how they capture such different moments.  Ryan + camera = Ameezing.

If I did have a camera today I would have photographed the dandelions on the side of the highway, a very Beyonce-esque girl with the most amazing blonde afro and anchor earrings for ‘People of Joburg’ and a fabulous stripey Country Road t-shirt to mms to the Ever Lovely Lindsay.


Beloved's Hand

Stiaan and Ty

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