Dear Mindy Kaling…

Dear Mindy,

May I call you Mindy?  Miss Kaling sounds a little bit like a terrifying music teacher I used to have.

Dear Minds, How the heck are you?

I received your book this weekend.  In the post, just like olden times.  I took my little collection slip to the post office, queued with the grannies buying Powerball tickets and when the moody postal worker handed me a brown Amazon envelope, I literally gulped down a tear or two.  Or seven.  Your book was a suprise gift from my friend The Ameezing Jacqui.  I sat in my car outside the post office, paging through it.  Camilla 0 Tears 100.

Has anyone ever cried over your book?  I guess now they have.

So Minds, I love your book.  It’s funny, smart, unpretentious, honest and with just the right amount of poking fun at your chubby, teenage self.  Everything I aspire to be and do as a writer.

I once proposed to Tina Fey (I am still eagerly awaiting her reply), and would like to not only invite you to the wedding, but also say let’s be friends.  You can regale me with tales of fame and Steve Carell and I can tell you all about life in Joburg and Powerball ticket buying grannies.

If you, Tina and Amy ever need a fourth person for book club or quilting group or ironic aerobics classes, my schedule is always wide open.

Thanks for the book.  Please tell Amy to get writing.


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The Post in Which I Propose to Tina Fey

Dear Tina,

May I call you Tina? Little T? Just T?

Hello Tina, how the heck are you?

I have just finished reading your book and found it really funny, simple, deliciously honest but most of all, darn enjoyable. Sometimes it seemed a little like you didn’t know what you were doing, but that only made it more entertaining and real.  I like how you are so casual in your writing.  It felt as if we had had a long coffee session together.  One where you spoke a lot and I laughed a lot. And blushed a little at the ginormous girl crush I have on you.

Which leads me to my next point, let’s get married.  Please lets.  We’ll be the brunette Ellen and Portia.  We can wear our matching mouthguards at night and tell embarrassing stories about when we were chubby teenagers and thought boys, all at once, weird and incredible.

Hear me out, Alec (Baldwin) could officiate the ceremony, Amy (Poehler) could be your bridesmaid and Steve (Carell) could be the Master of Ceremony.  Ameezing, no?

So give it a think.  In the meantime, please carry on doing what you are doing, making us nerdy, brunette girls everywhere proud to be nerdy, brunette girls everywhere.

Thanks for the book. Please write another one soon.

I love you.  Very much, Tina.


PS. Above is a picture of your book on my coffee table.  See, we go together like doughnuts and pimple cream.

[My letter to Mindy Kaling]

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